The emotional investment people feel in celebrity relationships often seems disproportionate — after all, these are strangers to us, existing on the other side of a screen.
But this is something that I can really relate to.
When I was 21 years old, I was in the Bahamas with my Mum, sitting in a hammock on the balcony of a stunning hotel, on a very lovely holiday that she had treated us to after my Grandpa had sadly passed away.
The sky was clear, the sun was shining, and the sea was a beautiful crystal clear turquoise blue, as I watched the gentle waves lap onto the white sand below my balcony. On the outside, it looked like I was in heaven. But internally, I was tormented and distracted - trying to sit in the news that not only were Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston getting a divorce, but that he had moved on - it seemed almost immediately - with Angelina Jolie.
I was utterly devastated and, as I angrily swung back and forth in the hammock, I could not move away from the ruminatinng thought - How could he do this to her???
Turns out that I am not the only one to have had such a bizarre reaction to the love lives of complete strangers.
Just take a look at the backlash that Tommy Fury experienced when he was allegedly discovered to have been cheating on Molly-Mae. Or the break up of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, Liam Hensworth and Miley Cyrus, or Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik.
A lot of us took these break-ups really personally, but why?
The devastation some experience when a high-profile couple splits, like the widely publicised breakup of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt in the early noughties, reveals deeper psychological mechanisms at play.
The Illusion of Intimacy and Parasocial Bonds
At the core of our emotional entanglement with celebrities lies the concept of parasocial relationships. Coined by Horton and Wohl in 1956, parasocial relationships describe the one-sided emotional connections audiences form with media figures.
These bonds can feel intensely personal, even though the relationship is entirely mediated through screens and storytelling.
Celebrities often serve as projections of idealized versions of self, fantasy relationships, or symbolic figures representing archetypes in our psyche. When a beloved celebrity couple splits, it can feel like the rupture of a personal relationship because the audience has unconsciously woven their narrative into their own emotional landscape.
This phenomenon is further amplified when a romantic ideal has been projected onto the couple, as was the case with Aniston and Pitt, often portrayed as the epitome of Hollywood romance. She was the girl next door and, at the time, he was the heartthrob to be obsessed with. When they got together, for many of us (myself included), it tapped into the idea that anything was possible where love was concerned.
It tapped deeply into the idea of idealised love and that us ordinary girl-next-door types actually had a chance at obtaining it.
Idealisation, Projection, and the Collective Unconscious
From a psychoanalytic perspective, especially through the lens of Carl Jung's theories, celebrities often serve as cultural symbols or archetypes.
The romantic couple archetype—beautiful, successful, and seemingly perfect—represents an idealised image of love and relational security.
When the fantasy of the ideal couple fractures, it disrupts not only personal projections but also collective fantasies around love, fidelity, and stability. The audience may feel a sense of personal loss because the breakup challenges the myth of 'happily ever after,' a narrative deeply rooted in cultural conditioning.
Attachment Theory and Emotional Projection
Attachment theory also provides a lens through which to understand the intensity of these emotional reactions.
Developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, attachment theory explores how early relational patterns shape adult emotional bonds.
Celebrities can become symbolic attachment figures, unconsciously representing early caregivers or relational dynamics from childhood.
When a celebrity couple splits, especially if infidelity or betrayal is involved, it can unconsciously trigger unresolved attachment wounds. If someone has experienced relational trauma, such as abandonment or betrayal in early life, the celebrity breakup might reawaken these emotional imprints.
The perceived 'loss' of the couple as a unit can feel like a personal loss, tapping into the same neural pathways as the pain of real-life relational rupture.
Re-enactment and the Symbolic Betrayal
Trauma theory also sheds light on why some people, like myself, felt such personal devastation following Brad Pitt's separation from Jennifer Aniston and his subsequent relationship with Angelina Jolie.
Trauma re-enactment, a concept explored by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, suggests that unresolved traumatic experiences can be unconsciously replayed in symbolic or external events.
The media's framing of Jolie as the 'other woman' and the betrayal narrative may have mirrored personal relational experiences, making the event feel less like celebrity gossip and more like a personal wound reopening.
Jolie, as the perceived interloper, could have become a symbol of betrayalor relational threat, amplifying the emotional reaction. This symbolic betrayal might mirror feelings of being left, replaced, or devalued in one's own relational history.
What About Projection?
The strong reactions people experience often involve the psychological mechanism of projection.
In my case, Brad Pitt might have represented a positive paternal or romantic archetype, while the betrayal narrative around Jolie could have amplified fears of being replaced or discarded — projections drawn from personal emotional history rather than the reality of the celebrities themselves.
Social Identity and the Need for Belonging
The emotional impact of celebrity breakups also intertwines with social identity theory.
Our identification with celebrities often reflects a need for belonging and collective experience. Shared outrage or grief over a breakup fosters a sense of community, with fans bonding over shared emotional responses.
This phenomenon mirrors tribal loyalty.
If we identify with one celebrity, like Aniston, the other party (Jolie) can become an 'out-group' figure, triggering feelings of threat or rivalry, even when the stakes are entirely symbolic.
The Role of Media Narratives in Emotional Investment
The media's framing of celebrity relationships often exacerbates emotional investment by crafting simplified narratives of heroism, victimhood, and villainy (The Drama Triangle).
Jennifer Aniston was widely portrayed as the 'wronged woman,' while Angelina Jolie became the 'other woman' disrupting a fairytale. These roles can trigger deep-seated narratives around relational justice, making audiences feel emotionally compelled to take sides.
When these narratives align with personal emotional wounds or relational histories, the reaction can feel disproportionately intense.
The brain struggles to differentiate between symbolic and personal emotional pain, leading to genuine distress over what is, in reality, a distant event.
Healing and Emotional Awareness
Understanding why these reactions happen can be empowering.
Emotional intensity around celebrity breakups often reflects unresolved relational wounds or unmet emotional needs rather than the actual celebrity event itself.
Healing involves recognising the projection at play and exploring the deeper emotional patterns being activated.
Practices like journaling, therapy, and mindfulness can help untangle personal relational experiences from collective narratives.
Awareness doesn't diminish the emotional impact but provides tools for greater self-compassion and insight.
Ultimately, our emotional entanglement with celebrity relationships reveals more about our inner worlds than the celebrities themselves.
By exploring these reactions through the lenses of attachment, trauma, and psychoanalysis, we can gain a richer understanding of our relational psyche—and perhaps even heal a bit along the way.