top of page

Therapy: What’s the Point, Really?

Writer's picture: Helen MooresHelen Moores



“What’s the point in paying someone to talk about my trauma?”


If I had a pound for every time I’ve heard this, I could afford to retire to the Cotswolds and spend my days drinking overpriced coconut milk lattes.


Why pay a professional to wade through the murky, painful parts of your past when you could just have a natter with your mate or drown your sorrows with a bottle of Merlot?


 

Therapy: Not Just a Fancy Chat


First things first: therapy isn’t your typical chinwag over tea and biscuits.


Therapists are like emotional detectives, trained to spot patterns and help you uncover the underlying issues that might be steering your life off-course.


Psychotherapy, whether rooted in Freud’s couch or more modern modalities, operates on the premise that unresolved emotions and experiences don’t just disappear.


They linger beneath the surface.

 

The Science of Digging Up the Past


A common misconception is that therapy is just about dredging up your past for the sake of it, like some emotional archaeological dig.


But here’s the thing: research shows that understanding and processing past trauma can significantly improve mental health.


In other words, facing your demons head-on can help you boot them out for good, or at least learn to walk alongside them and not let them boot You out of the driver's seat.


 

Trauma has this nasty habit of rewiring your brain, particularly in areas like the amygdala (your fear centre) and the hippocampus (your memory archivist).


Therapy helps rewire these connections, essentially teaching your brain that it doesn’t need to hit the panic button at every trigger.


As the therapeutic relationship does its job, you'll find yourself in moments of panic/stress/general 'shit, what do I do' that you will ask yourself - 'What would (insert your therapist's name) do/say/think if they were here?'


This is what happens when you begin to internalise your therapist, and your own self-regulator and inner therapist, starts to grow.


 

Why Not Just Talk to a Mate?


Sure, chatting with a friend is great.


Friends offer support, love, and (if they’re good ones) snacks and a lot of laughter through the pain.


But there are limits to what your friends, even the closest ones, can do.


A friend’s advice often comes with bias even though they have the best of intentions. They are personally invested in your life.


Therapists, on the other hand, are trained to hold space for your emotions without judgment or agenda.


Therapists aren’t emotionally entangled in your life, which makes them better equipped to challenge your thinking and help you see things from new perspectives.

One that can help break the bonds of the past.


 


There’s also something to be said for paying for therapy.


You’re investing in yourself.


We invest money into our bodies, our hair, our nails and having a good time with our friends (no judgment, I enjoy doing all those things too), but we often resist investing in our minds, beyond YouTube and Tiktok support.


Having an hour each week with a trained professional, that is completely and utterly about you - no matter what - is worth every penny because it's unlikely you have that in your life already.


We are constantly meeting other people's needs.


 

Therapy is about so much more than rehashing painful memories.


It’s about understanding the patterns and beliefs that have shaped you and figuring out how to live a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.


It’s the difference between surviving and thriving.


If you’ve got an anxious attachment style, for instance, therapy can help you unpick where that came from and develop healthier ways of relating to others.


It’s like upgrading your emotional operating system from Windows 95 to the latest MacBook Pro.


 

They say that the most important part of therapy is the therapeutic relationship itself - simply, the relationship that you have with your therapist.


Healing those wounds within that relationship - being heard, seen and validated - and learning to trust again can be life changing.


 

Then there’s the beauty of self-awareness.


Carl Rogers (Person-Centered therapy) argued that self-actualisation - becoming the best version of yourself - requires honest self-reflection.


Therapy provides a safe space for that reflection, helping you untangle your feelings, find clarity, and grow in ways you didn’t think possible.


You can say things in therapy and unpick them - decide which bits feel right before they go out into the world.


 

My Experience: Therapy Changed Everything


I’m not just a therapist; I’ve also been a client.


And let me tell you, therapy was the best thing I ever did.


It wasn’t always comfortable. There were tears, awkward silences, and moments when I wanted to rip the tissue box to shreds.


There were many moments when I didn't want to go or even resented doing it - even though I had chosen to participate.


But I kept showing up.

And I'm so glad that I did.


It gave me tools I didn’t even know I needed.


 

I’ve seen the same transformation in my clients.


There’s nothing more rewarding than watching someone go from feeling stuck and defeated to empowered and hopeful.


Therapy works.


And it's not about a final destination.


It's about accepting that the wave of life will never stop coming, no matter how zen you learn to be.


But you can learn to handle the waves, and accept that they will come, and you will be ok.


 

So is therapy really worth it? The answer is yes.


It’s an investment in your mental and emotional well-being, a way to understand yourself on a deeper level and make peace with your past.


It’s not about erasing the bad stuff, or 'pointlessly' going over the pain, but learning how to carry it with you, without it weighing you down.


Because what’s the point of paying someone to talk about your pain?


The point is you.


Your growth, your healing, your future.


And that, is priceless.

©  2016 - 2024 Helen Moores, Little Cottage Therapy.  All Rights Reserved.  Please do not take or use any content without citation.  You are required to obtain written permission to republish in full or use more than just a quote.  Please do not reproduce or publish any content on any platform, including social media, without permission or crediting the original source. 

bottom of page