Paws, Claws, and the Space Between Us

'Cats', by Edouard Manet 1868-69

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If you’ve ever been in a therapy session with me, chances are you’ve met my cats. They wander in like quiet punctuation—offering a purr, a subtle demand for attention, or simply their aloof, charismatic presence.

Oddly enough, I wasn’t always a cat person.

In my twenties, I distrusted cats. My dad’s cat was an elusive creature who greeted me with scratches and growls, and I thought they were wild, untrustworthy beings best avoided if I valued my skin.

But life, as it does, nudged me toward one—when dogs were off the table, I chose a cat. Tiggy was a tabby with a farm-born spirit and a personality larger than his enormous frame.

It was love at first sight.

Cats taught me that love doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it’s a cautious nudge, a soft purr, a measured space between closeness and freedom. Tiggy reminded me—without words—that love needs room to breathe.

We grew into an unlikely friendship, navigating life’s messy chapters together: moves, heartbreaks, new jobs, motherhood, breakdowns, and healing. When Tiggy passed nearly twelve years later, the silence he left echoed deep in my soul.

I cried for a year, and still miss him everyday.

Pets meet a primal human need for safe connection—mirroring early childhood attachments where our nervous systems learned to trust, or learned to fear.

Dogs offer unconditional warmth and forgiveness, a balm for anxious hearts.

Cats, with their graceful independence, teach something different: boundaries.

Their slow trust, their graceful push and pull, reflect how attachment wounds shape our responses to love and rejection. They show us that closeness isn’t about surrender but respect—for self and other.

A cat’s sharp clarity about space is a masterclass in emotional self-regulation. They teach us that love can hold distance without dissolving, that setting limits doesn’t push others away—it preserves connection.

If we listen, cats whisper to us about healthy intimacy: that love thrives when it honors both togetherness and autonomy.

And on days when the weight of life feels too heavy, their quiet presence can make the heaviest moments feel a little lighter.