I used to think that in order to love someone you must keep secrets, and
conceal your emotions, even from yourself.
I believed that vulnerability was a one-way road to pain and rejection. So I created an armour around me that even a bazooka and crate of grenades couldn't have penetrated.
I decided that I was hardwired to be alone and that there was nothing I could do about it.
This became my ultimate self-serving conviction."