Grief is Not a Problem to Solve: Gentle Ways to Cope at Home

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Grief feels different for everyone — but one thing I’ve come to know, both in my work and in my own human experience, is this: grief is not something to fix or rush through.

It’s a process — one that deserves space, attention, and gentle care. It doesn’t follow a script and can take many forms.

It’s the ache of losing a loved one.

The sharp sorrow after a breakup.

The absence left behind by an old friend.

Or the quiet heartbreak of losing a pet who was your everything.

Grief, much like the wind, can be both a soft breeze and a cataclysmic tornado — knocking you off your feet without warning.

And does, often.

There was a long-standing belief that grief follows neat little stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But in recent years, this has been “debunked” — not because the emotions aren’t real, but because the experience isn’t linear.

It never was.

In On Grief and Grieving, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross herself explained that the stages were never meant to be prescriptive — more like an emotional map than a strict itinerary.

Grief moves in waves — sometimes gentle, sometimes crashing. Some days, it steals your breath. Other days, it’s a soft hum beneath your skin, tricking you into thinking it’s easing up...

Until the next tsunami comes and reminds you that grief is far from done with you.

If you’re grieving right now, you might feel like your experience is different from everyone else’s — like no one could possibly understand.

That’s ok.

Your grief is yours.

You don’t need to explain it.

You definitely don’t need to compare it.

Maybe it feels like a deep, heart-shattering sadness.

Or a strange, suffocating numbness — like you’re walking through life in a fog.

There, but vacant.

Maybe you’re angry.

Maybe you’re bargaining with the universe or God.

Maybe you’re not speaking to Him at all right now.

It’s all valid.

Grief isn’t about fitting into a tidy box or moving on a timeline. It’s about honouring what you’re feeling in this moment, whatever that looks like.

Sitting with it — even briefly — becomes a time to reflect, remember, and connect.

Even if we can only tolerate it for a moment.

And that’s why we can’t rush it.

When we rush, we miss the wisdom.

We miss the chance to let it teach us —

to unearth the things we didn’t know we needed to learn.

We imagine that if we go fast, like ripping off a plaster, it’ll hurt less.

But grief isn’t a wound with a finish line.

It's a living process.

Not finite.

Not neat.

And not something to “get over.”

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How to Navigate Grief at Home

When you’re in it, grief can feel all-consuming.

There’s no cure — but there are small, gentle ways to support yourself through it.

Here are a few that you can try, from the safety of home:

1. Create a Sacred Space

Find a quiet corner or cosy nook in your home — somewhere that feels safe. It could be a chair by the window, a corner of your bed, or even a place outside.

Light a candle.

Sit in silence.

Let yourself simply be.

There’s no need to do or fix. Trust that the wave will come — and that it will also pass.

2. Journaling: Your Grief Companion

Writing is one of the most powerful tools in grief.

Let it be messy.

Let it be raw.

Try taking your journal from room to room throughout the day. When your mind starts racing — which grief often triggers — write every thought down. Even fragments. Even nonsense.

Keywords. Bullet points. Full pages. It’s not a waste of time — it’s a way of containing the uncontainable.

3. Ground Yourself in Nature

As someone surrounded by trees and quiet fields, I know how healing nature can be. It’s not about distraction — it’s about connection. Peace. Holding.

If you can’t get outside, bring nature in.

A few plants.

A breeze from an open window.

Rain or forest sounds playing quietly.

Nature doesn’t demand. It just holds you.

4. Practice Radical Self-Compassion

Grief is exhausting.

It’s disorienting.

It changes you.

So let yourself be.

No pressure.

No expectations.

Soften the voice that tells you to “move on.”

Place your hand over your heart.

Breathe.

Remind yourself that what you’re feeling is not wrong — it’s human.

You’re doing better than you think.

5. Acknowledge the Loss, Honour the Love

One of the most powerful things we can do in grief is to honour what was.

Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman explains that the brain processes loss in terms of time, space, and closeness. And when someone we love dies, two of those go missing.

So the questions echo:

Where are they?

When will I see them again?

Will I ever see them again?

And still, the love remains.

You might light a candle. Write a letter. Create a ritual.

These are ways of acknowledging the depth of what you’ve lost... and still carry everyday.

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Grief is like a river.

You can’t rush it.

You just have to ride it wild.

And in the stillness of the softer moments, remember:

The only things that matter are the truth of your grief,

the beauty of your love and memories,

and the strength that comes from letting your heart feel what it needs to feel.

Even when you think you can’t bear it.