Once upon a time, in the foggy depths of human prehistory, Freud spun a tale so primal it could've been straight out of a caveman soap opera: a jealous ape tribe, a powerful father figure hoarding all the power (and, Freud being Freud, also the women), and a simmering tension leading to a brutal overthrow.
Welcome to the theory of the primal horde.
In Totem and Taboo, Freud speculated that early human societies were structured like those primate groups where the alpha male monopolised the power.
The younger males, feeling oppressed, eventually conspired to take down Dad .
But, after the violent overthrow, they were consumed with guilt.
So, they erected the symbolic father in the form of the totem, a sacred object representing both authority and the need to control destructive impulses.
They established taboos around harming the totem and specific social rules to prevent the whole cycle from starting again.
Classic repression.
This mythological drama wasn't just an origin story for Freud - it became the foundation for his ideas on the Oedipus complex.
The young child, male in Freud’s original framework, experiences unconscious sexual desire for the mother and a competitive rage toward the father.
Unable to act on these impulses, the child represses them.
Resolution involves identifying with the same-sex parent, internalising authority, and building the foundation for moral development.
Yes, it's wildly out of date.
But let’s not stop with caveman psychoanalysis just yet.
Freud's insights evolved and stretched further into understanding attachment and development.
Later psychoanalytic thinkers, like Bowlby and Winnicott, expanded these ideas, shifting the focus from repressed impulses to early relational patterns.
Bowlby’s attachment theory explored how secure or insecure bonds with caregivers shape our emotional blueprints for life.
It's less “kill your father” and more “Why does emotional neglect/disconnection hurt so much?”
So, is the whole totem pole power struggle and father usurping business so outdated that we can conclude that he was off his rocker?
Freud was pretty fixated on the male experience, it's true, what with the whole Oedipus thing.
His theories were shaped by the time in which he wrote them, just as our's are today.
When Freud did try and tackle female psychology, he came up with “penis envy,” which hasn’t exactly aged well.
However, power, attachment, and the struggle for identity aren't exclusively male experiences.
They’re human ones.
The Queen Bee Drama.
In friendships, the concept of the Totem can be understood as the unspoken emotional anchor or leader who represents the group's shared values, ideals, and emotional cohesion.
The Totem serves as a stabilising force, maintaining harmony and acting as the group's emotional safety net.
However, this central role can create a delicate balance, as disruptions or shifts in the Totem's behaviour, status, or emotional availability can threaten the group's unity.
The Totem - leader and the emotional centre of gravity - starts to lose influence.
Imagine a newer, more charismatic friend joins the fold.
The dynamic shifts.
Maybe the new person offers a different kind of emotional attunement or just seems to connect with others in a way that feels threatening to the Totem.
The Totem feels displaced, triggering a primal sense of betrayal and fear of losing the prized role.
Now, if we put this into the psychoanalytic frame, it’s a mix of attachment theory and power dynamics.
Losing status in a group can echo early attachment wounds - fear of rejection, abandonment, and the loss of a secure base.
The Totem, previously seen as a source of emotional safety, might attempt to regain control by undermining the newcomer, subtly turning others against them in an unconscious attempt to restore balance.
Scapegoating and exclusion can mirror the primal horde tension.
It’s the social version of toppling the totem pole and rebuilding it in their own image again.
So, can this primal theory help us understand modern social conflicts?
Absolutely.
But with nuance.
Gender can influence how power struggles manifest due to social conditioning, but the underlying drive - to secure attachment, power, and identity - is universal.
Whether it’s an ancient tribe or a messy friendship breakup, the core psychological themes persist.
Freud may have envisioned this drama at a male-dominated time, so much so that it screams patriarchy, but human dynamics have never been that simple.
The totem pole isn't just a relic of our primal past, or a wild theory - it's a living, breathing metaphor for how we navigate power, belonging, primal urges and emotional survival.