Emotional Bankruptcy

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There are moments in life when the weight of it all becomes too much. When the emotional toll feels like it’s pressing down on you, and all you want is an escape - a magic pill that can make everything better - just so you can feel like you can breath again. It’s the feeling that sometimes life gives us too much, and there’s no way to bear it all at once.

It’s a deeply human longing to wish for a quick fix when you feel like you’ve reached your limit.

You’re not alone in this.

I’ve been there too.

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We don’t ask for pain, but sometimes it’s thrust upon us. Sometimes the sorrow and emotional (and often physical) exhaustion just feels endless.

I often tell my clients that the only way past the pain is through it which, as you can imagine, is generally not what people are hoping to hear.

There’s no magic shortcut.

The thing is, the desire for a quick fix, though natural, doesn’t offer us the growth or healing we need. We want a break, a respite from the constant emotional drain, and that desire is so valid. But it’s in the going through it - the messy, uncomfortable, sometimes excruciating journey - that healing happens.

It's naturally hard to believe this when you're in it.

And sometimes there are life-changing situations and circumstances where it feels ludicrous to even consider that healing could come from something so heartbreaking.

All you can see right now is the dark.

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You don’t want to face another day of feeling this way. I get it. Grief and loss, heartbreak - these things can break us open, and we sometimes feel like we’ll never be the same again.

And we won’t be.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t find a way to move forward, even if it's the tiniest step. The longing for escape is a plea for relief, and it’s ok to feel that way.

It's ok to admit that you feel emotionally bankrupt.

You don't need to have all the answers right now. You just have to put one foot in front of the other, even if it's as small as you have a shower, change your pyjamas, and then get back into bed.

It's still movement and it's still showing up.

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Sometimes, the emotional and psychological load gets so heavy that it’s almost like we’re pulled back to a time in our lives when we were vulnerable, when we didn’t have the tools to cope, and we just wanted someone (probably Mum or Dad) to 'fix it'.

It’s the feeling of being a child again, wanting to curl up and be protected, wanting someone to take away the pain. Sometimes a person's greatest pain is that the one person whose arms they want to curl up into is the one person who is no longer there to comfort them.

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As a therapist, I’ve seen time and time again that there’s no way around the pain. There’s no shortcut.

The only way out is through.

But, and this is what I want you to hear, it doesn’t mean you have to do it alone.

It doesn’t mean you have to be strong or suck it up and push through without feeling. You don’t have to pretend everything is ok, and you don’t have to rush the healing process.

Just because we can’t escape the pain doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to feel it.

Your pain has no time limit, and you have a greater capacity to bear it than you think.

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I have watched my clients, some of whom have faced incredible losses or are dealing with deep emotional wounds, slowly begin to heal. It’s not always easy, and it’s certainly not linear. There are good days and bad days, days when they feel like they’ve moved forward and days when it feels like they’re right back where they started.

But every time they show up for themselves, including that one hour that they dedicate to themselves each week in therapy - they take another step toward healing, no matter how small.

Every tiny step is a victory. An act of survival.

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I know you want to escape right now, and it’s so natural to crave relief, to want to take a break from the weight you’re carrying.

I want you to know it’s ok to feel like you can’t take any more, that you need a break to press pause and there's just no let up. Life doesn't feel relentless, it is relentless.

It is not ok that you are in pain, but it is ok to let yourself feel it.

Pain does not need to define us. It does not need to be the end.

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You can start moving forward.

Even if it’s slow.

Even if it’s painful.

Even if it feels impossible.

You are not alone in this. I am here to walk beside you, as are so many others who know what it’s like to feel the weight of life on their shoulders.

When you decide to move through the pain, and when you choose to believe that you can heal - even if it is a wavering belief - you will uncover resilience you never knew you had.

And while there may not be an escape, there is hope.

*If you need someone to talk to - any time or day - contact the Samaritans on 116 123