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Are You Talking To Me? Transference.

Writer's picture: Helen MooresHelen Moores

Updated: Jan 17




Transference is a foundational concept in psychotherapy, helping both therapists and clients understand the emotional undercurrents that can arise in therapeutic and personal relationships.


As a therapist, I've witnessed firsthand how powerful transference can be — both as a source of healing and as a potential pitfall when left unexamined.


 

What Is Transference?


The concept of transference was first introduced by Sigmund Freud, who identified it as the unconscious redirection of feelings, desires, and expectations (at the time of his understanding, onto the therapist).


Essentially, the client projects unresolved dynamics from early experiences (often primary caregivers) onto the therapeutic relationship.


Freud initially viewed transference as an obstacle to therapy but over time he recognised it as a valuable tool for understanding the client's internal world. By working through transference together in the therapy room, clients could gain insight into their relational patterns and unresolved emotional conflicts.


 

Other Theorists...


However, as psychoanalytic theory evolved, theorists expanded on the understanding of transference:


  • Klein and the object relations theorists emphasised how early relational experiences shape transference reactions.


  • Jung viewed transference as part of a deeper collective unconscious process.


  • Winnicott highlighted the therapist's ability to provide a corrective emotional experience through authentic engagement.


 

Transference in Your Relationships


Transference doesn't only occur in therapy—it shows up in everyday relationships as well.


Think of a situation where someone reacts intensely to a new romantic partner because of similarities (real or perceived) to a past partner or caregiver.


These reactions are often disproportionate to the present context because they tap into unresolved emotional material from the past.


 

This Can Look Like...


  1. Idealisation: Viewing a new partner as perfect, often due to unmet needs from childhood caregivers.


  2. Fear of Abandonment: Reacting with heightened anxiety to perceived distance, often rooted in early attachment wounds.


  3. Authority Figures: Feeling intimidated or rebellious around bosses or authority figures, mirroring childhood experiences with parental figures.


  4. Unrealistic Expectations: Assuming a partner or friend will behave in a specific way because they remind them of a parent or ex-partner. Or expecting your partner to meet more of your needs than is reasonable in a healthy, mutual relationship because they are unmet needs from your primary caregiver.


These patterns often operate unconsciously, which is why they can feel so overwhelming and difficult to untangle.


 

Transference in the Therapy Room


In a therapeutic setting, transference can be both a challenge and a powerful tool for growth. For example:


  • Parental Transference: A client might view the therapist as a nurturing parental figure, leading to dependence or testing behaviours to see if the therapist will abandon them.

  • Romantic Transference: Clients may develop romantic feelings for their therapist (much more common than you would think!) reflecting unmet needs for validation or connection.

  • Critical Transference: Some clients might view the therapist as judgmental or withholding, mirroring experiences with a critical parent.


These reactions, while often intense, provide rich material for exploration.


By gently bringing awareness to the underlying feelings and their origins, therapists can help clients gain deeper self-understanding and shift long-standing relational patterns.


Be honest with your therapist about how you're feeling in the therapeutic relationship - about them - as all good therapists will welcome this.


 

Final Thoughts...


Understanding transference can be a game-changer for improving your relationships and healing from past wounds.


By becoming aware of transference, you can start to separate past pain from present reality.


Noticing when you're reacting to old wounds rather than current situations allows you to respond with more clarity and emotional balance. This self-awareness helps break cycles of misunderstanding and conflict, fostering healthier communication and deeper emotional connections.

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